The Quarter-Life Crisis

Hola and welcome to The Summit, my weekly newsletter where I share my unfiltered thoughts on navigating the peaks and valleys of adulthood. From health and relationships to productivity and purpose, consider this newsletter a collection of naive wisdom from a 20-something year old summiting the mountain of life.

Today: The Quarter-Life Crisis

Your twenties: a time often painted as a carefree adventure – a whirlwind of new experiences, growing independence, and endless possibilities.  But for many young adults, this exciting decade can also be riddled with uncertainty, self-doubt, and the unsettling feeling of being lost.  Enter the quarter-life crisis, a term thrown around casually but carrying a real weight of confusion and anxiety.

What Triggers a Quarter-Life Crisis?

While, the term "quarter-life crisis" isn't a clinical diagnosis, it describes a very real phenomenon.  It typically occurs between the ages of 20 and 30, as a result of several contributing factors:

• Career Crossroads: Many young adults struggle to find a career path that feels fulfilling. The pressure to choose the "right" job can be immense, leading to feelings of doubt and a sense of being stuck.

• Relationship Revaluation: Early twenties are often a time for reevaluating romantic relationships. Questions about compatibility, life goals, and long-term commitment can arise, leading to confusion and breakups.

• Social Comparison Trap: Social media doesn't help. Seeing friends seemingly achieving milestones – dream jobs, great relationships, wild holidays – can trigger feelings of inadequacy and a fear of falling behind.

• The Pressure to "Have it All": Society often bombards young adults with conflicting messages. Be successful! Be happy! Be a good partner! Travel the world! It's no wonder many feel overwhelmed and unsure of how to achieve it all.

My Quarter-Life Crisis

For me, I seemed to stumble upon all these scenarios and questions at once. Previously, I had always been a bubbly, seemingly care-free teenager.  I enjoyed both the high school and uni lifestyle and had the time of my life backpacking abroad after graduation.  Then, in what felt like a heartbeat, I found myself sat miserably at a desk, 9-5, questioning my life. Questions like, “What am I doing here?” and “Why did I ever chose this career in the first place?” slowly developed into deep existential confusion, “What is my purpose? What is the point of life?”.

So, I set out to answer these questions, and very quickly found there are no straight forward answers (it reminds me of high school English (rolling my eyes)). However, people have been battling these questions for thousands of years, so lucky for us, there have been plenty of wise people before us who have recorded their thoughts on the matter.  So today, I want to share some of their wisdom that resonates with me and that has helped me through my own quarter-life crisis.

Mark Manson:

• In an article of his, Mark Manson suggests that happiness is the process of becoming your ideal self. He explains how people find happiness in unpleasant situations, like completing a marathon or having a child, when it is becoming who you want to be.

• To paraphrase, I think he is suggesting that we are happy when we are moving towards where we want to be.  I love this take, but where exactly do we want to be?

Stephen Covey:

• Like the next piece in the puzzle, I believe the second habit of Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, ‘Begin with the End in Mind’, can help us figure out where we want to be moving towards.  In this chapter, Covey encourages us all to write a principle based personal mission statement – I would recommend doing this to everyone.

• Writing a personal mission statement was a game changer for me. It didn’t tell me exactly where I wanted to be in life, but it did tell me what direction I wanted to go in.  With a written statement, I was now able to measure every action against it.

Robin Sharma:

• In his book, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, Sharma compares purpose to a lighthouse, explaining that we should all let our lighthouse guide us and suggesting that that the purpose of life is a life of purpose. 

• It confused me at first, but this is how I interpret it: the aim of the game is to find the aim of your game, and work towards it.

Putting it all together I found a solution that worked for me:

• My purpose is to discover my purpose; and while doing so, it is to live in line with my personal mission statement and enjoy the journey. Because I believe that figuring out your meaning should be just as rewarding as when you find the meaning itself.

• At first, I was not satisfied with my conclusion, because I still didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do or where I wanted to be.  But if I make sure every choice I make is in the right direction, I have no doubt I will get there some day. And that gives me enough closure, for now…

Final tips for myself and anyone else struggling with a quarter-life crisis:

• Embrace the Exploration: This is a time to explore different paths – career options, hobbies, relationships. Don't be afraid to try new things and see what resonates with you.

• Focus on Your Values (write a mission statement): What's truly important to you? Having a meaningful career? Building strong relationships? Traveling the world? Identifying your core values will guide you in making decisions that feel right for you.

• Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about what you're going through. Sharing your anxieties can be a huge weight off your shoulders.

• The Power of Journaling: Through all of this, I have found journalling and daily reflection extremely powerful. Taking the time to record my thoughts and reflect on what matters most has been a powerful tool for self-discovery. 

• Celebrate Small Wins: Don't get discouraged by the enormity of your goals. Focus on making small, achievable progress and celebrate your victories along the way.

• Practice Gratitude: Take time each day to appreciate the good things in your life. Gratitude can be a powerful antidote to negativity and self-doubt.

• Remember, You're Not Alone. A quarter-life crisis can feel isolating, but it's a common experience.  Many successful, well-adjusted adults have grappled with these same anxieties.  Focus on self-discovery, embrace the journey, and know that this period of questioning can pave the way for a more fulfilling and purposeful life.  Your twenties are a time for exploration, not expectations.  So, take a deep breath, embrace the uncertainty, and trust that you'll find your way.

• Podcast Recommendation: Psychology of your 20’s by Jemma Sbeg, the podcast that explains the psychology behind the weird, transitional and wonderful experiences of our 20’s. I have always found her episodes insightful and relatable!

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